Time at a private school in Devon can be a wonderful experience for children, giving them the space to explore new things, make lifelong friendships and learn about what interests them. However, growing up is never perfect.
School environments allow young minds to work together and inspire each other to grow. However, in some situations, this can turn into peer pressure: a feeling of being forced to do something you don’t want to do.
Peer pressure is something we come across at all ages of our lives. While it’s often seen as negative, when handled correctly, it can actually help us understand our values and make stronger, more meaningful friendships.
If you believe your child might be adversely affected by peer pressure, here are some tips to help you support them.
Don’t Judge
First things first, it’s important to acknowledge that peer pressure happens to everyone. Even as adults, we might feel forced into acting or appearing a certain way because our colleagues and friends appear to be doing as much.
Peer pressure happens to everyone but it can feel particularly inescapable for children in a school environment. Showing that you understand this is a good first step to helping your child work through their peer pressure.
Establish Open Communication
As mentioned at the beginning, some examples of peer pressure can be good. A friend’s achievements can inspire your child to work harder, for example.
One of the most common signs that a child is being impacted negatively by peer pressure is that they become more distant and shut off. They may be less willing to talk about what’s happening at school or with their friends, which can be a sign that, deep down, they know they’re doing something they don’t particularly like.
It’s important to create an open and non-judgemental space in which you and your child can communicate as much as possible. This is easiest to achieve before problems arise but can also be done once you start to notice issues.
By creating a safe environment where your child can admit to the things that are bugging them, you can start to unravel some of the complicated threads that lead to peer pressure impacting decisions.
Take an Interest in Their Friends
One of the key ways to avoid peer pressure at school is to understand what being a friend means. Children can end up in social groups because of who they sit next to in class or who they play sports with, but these people might not have all the same interests and values that make for good, lasting friendships.
You should try to understand who your child’s friends are as much as possible. If appropriate, let your child invite them over for dinner; this can let you see some of their friendship dynamics for yourself.
Trying to split a friendship group can often antagonise your child. Instead, talk to them about what being a friend means – including how friends should let them do what they want without pressuring them – and let your child realise whether their friends are good for them.
Coach Their Intuition and Decision Making
Decisions on friends should be made by your child because forcing them into certain groups can sometimes cause more issues. If you worry about the decisions your child is making due to peer pressure, it could be because they don’t yet have the skills to make their own decisions.
As adults, we can feel in our gut when we’re being pressured into doing something we don’t like. This is something we learn throughout our lives through understanding that we won’t please everyone and that our values sometimes won’t align with other people.
Teach your child to tune into their emotions when they’re with their friends, so they can start to understand whether they’re happy or anxious about what’s happening.
Once they start to understand these feelings and why they’re happening, your child will feel better equipped to understand whether they truly want to do something or they’re just being peer pressured.
Teach Them How to Say No
After your child has learned about friendship and understands when they’re feeling peer pressure comes arguably the hardest part: saying no. This skill can be difficult for adults, let alone for children in the small world of a school’s social environment.
In the adult world, we often arm ourselves with many different ways (or excuses) to politely turn down things without harming future relationships. Sharing with your child the importance of saying no at times and arming them with these social skills will allow your child to make positive decisions for themselves while reducing the risk of social consequences.
Model saying no through your own actions when possible, even when saying no to your child on occasion. Then, make sure you keep that open communication with your child so they can tell you about their experiences, and reward them for making these tough but positive choices.
Seek Your Own Support
Finally, it’s important to repeat that peer pressure is a natural thing that everyone goes through. That means there are countless people out there who have gone through similar things to you and can offer you support.
Speak to other parents about their experiences dealing with peer pressure in children. Even better, try to speak to the parents of the other children involved with your child; they might be worrying about similar things and be able to offer more support. You can also speak to teachers at school, who have probably seen this phenomenon many times.
Opening up about your troubles isn’t just about trying to find solutions. Talking through our difficulties with anyone gives us a bit of space from them and stops us from becoming overwhelmed by emotions that can make it harder for us to address the issue calmly with our children.
We hope that these skills will help both you and your child process incidents of peer pressure healthily and confidently. When addressed correctly, peer pressure can be a great step in your child’s growth to becoming a confident individual, ready for the wider world.
